My Declaration of Independence

At age 10, my brother and I wanted new bikes. My dad said we could earn our way to one, so he fronted us a few cases of pop and dropped us off at a golf course to sell them 75¢ a can. Being little kids, most of the golfers had us keep the buck. We smoozed, we earned. I still have that bike, worse for the wear, but still have it.

At age 17, I needed money for prom and didn’t have a job. So a buddy and I started a lawn mowing business in the neighborhood, charging $10 a lawn, splitting 50/50. We undercut the big guys and took customers. Having a sheet of customers we had to attend to each week, we hired a friend with a tractor to help us get it all done. We ended up firing him because he didn’t finish lawns correctly. Earned prom plus some.

At age 25, after working in the hospitality business and doing event internships, I couldn’t find a worthwhile full time gig as an event planner. So I figured I’d get started myself. This was the start of the Righteous idea with Righteous Events. Lost a bunch of money and realized I needed to know how to run a business better. So I went for my second degree, this time in Entrepreneurship at Canisius. In this year of quarter-life crisis, I made a personal declaration of independence for myself. I swore off normal for greater.

At age 28, I presented a plan for a social media company at the New York State Business Plan Competition. It was terrible.

At age 30, I had to develop a business for my final project. Having a better eye for developing market research, Righteous Co. was born to help ministries and non-profits market themselves to their communities. Got an “A”. Well I wasn’t that good yet at market research and ultimately saw that it wasn’t a feasible/scaleable model in practice. Plus, I didn’t want to build websites all day.

Today at age 33, I’m repurposing the Righteous Co. brand and tying all of my strengths together in one platform to help others. I’m basing the idea around virtue and valor, a core need and hunger for people. By using my ability to connect with people, tell a story, along with a twist of experience in leadership, Righteous Co. is moving forward to its next phase. Perhaps its last and final in its ark.

I’m excited to hint to you my first offering which is also the first book that I’ve written. It will be a free digital download, “Iron Ore: The Journal of a Youth Minister.” It’s a witness of discernment, Love, and perseverance. Coming soon!

I welcome you to ride along the journey by following progress on the following…

RighteousCo.com, Facebook page, Instagram@righteous_co

The Discipline Series: Interview with a Hospitality Executive

I had a phone interview with Paul one evening back in March in the midst of my Exodus journey. Paul has been a part of our family for twenty years, recently celebrating his twentieth anniversary to my cousin Jenny. Some would call him a Legend.

I wanted to talk to Paul about discipline because he is a man who carries a lot of responsibilities on his shoulders; A man of God, a husband, a father, a younger grandfather, a high-level leader at a renowned hotel in Pittsburg, a missionary, an athlete. When you talk to Paul, he’s a very down to Earth kind of guy. Fun, engaging, and humble. I wanted to know, how does he do it? How does he keep it all together? Find out with me through our conversation below.

A: Where are you most disciplined in your life?

P: It’s all about preparation. Setting up a good day starts the night before. Getting a good night sleep, not eating bad stuff. When I’m tired I eat bad stuff and it takes me off of the right road. I try and get up early enough to spend time with my wife, that really sets the day off well. However, there are times I just run out the door and I miss that. It just slows me down when I don’t have that priority right. My family is everything.

Starting in January I’m going through the bible chronologically. It offers great commentary and starts great conversations with my wife. For example I started talking about Moses recently, like, “who was Moses to throw those stone tablets?”

You have to find what works for you but setting up the morning is really helpful. There’s a guy I know who is up at 3am to make time to pray. On the commute time into work, I will listen to MercyMe or something like that, that will get me into a prayerful mood. When I get to work, it’s go time. No chance to pray. I’d be fooling myself if I thought I could. Work can be so distracting that I can’t focus on a conversation with the Lord. When I am on the train coming home, I find that is a good time to decompress from the day.

A: Where are you least disciplined in your life?

P: Weakness, spiritual weakness. When I let the world take over, bury me in stuff. Worldly stuff that distracts from what my priorities are and takes my eyes off the prize. We all have that stuff right? Name it.

Sometimes you need to slow down and take time with the family and the Lord. I know I have to carve out time in the morning and have spiritual grounding. I don’t read the bible as much as I should but wow I feel the difference when I am making the time. When I know tasks are piled up at work I am lured into running out the door with out making my time.

I don’t go through the day as Mr. Wonderful but I can be discipline at work with language and getting stuff done. When I have a good solid start to the day, then I can go through the day with more strength.

A: As a family man, where does discipline fall for you?

P: My goal is to raise a Godly family. You can’t fake it and that is the driving force for me to stay sharp and be the best guy I can be. Discipline with work starts with my wife. She gives me a lot of latitude and we see eye to eye. We’re on the same wave length. When I say “I have to do this for work” she understands and makes the room for it. So that understanding makes me want to come back to her and help her more. It makes me want to be a better man and take more responsibility at home.

This effort and respect into the relationship has made it easier to stay disciplined and focused on the home front. I don’t look at it as a chore or task, I want to be there. This is engrained in me.

A: Where have you grown the most in the last 20 years?

P: I’m sure if you would have asked me 20 years ago when I was dating Jen, my answers would be totally different. Definitely as a husband. Being disciplined in who I surround myself with. I want to be better for her. I want to stay disciplined for Jen and live with integrity.

A: How do you think others can achieve growth now?

P: Prayer. Other guys, the right guys. Accountability with good men going through the same time. Sometimes machoism gets in the way. It helps to hear from those who have been there and done that. You have to pick a solid group or even one bud that you can talk seriously with and be honest with.

But it’s tough to be vulnerable and have an accountability partner. It takes time and it’s relational. When you find that group, hold on to them. Invest in that time and don’t lose touch. We didn’t call it accountability but we knew each other so well that we would know something is up if we’re out of sorts. It’s not just about required questions but it’s all about knowing that person well.

A: What else is important?

P: We need encouragement as men. We need that and it makes discipline possible. Jen builds me up and gets me back in the game. We’re not meant to do this alone. Like Iron Sharpens Iron. I want to be that warrior, the more you learn about your purpose the more you want to be a better warrior. That faith grounding is your identity.

The Discipline Series: Exodus – The After Effects

It’s been three months since we completed Exodus 90, the length it took to go through it. My intention was to write more through the experience. However I hit a wall hard. I had to dig deep about half way through to stay on task and some things dropped. The Exodus disciplines, grinding through work, challenges raising a toddler, and finishing writing a book drained me out. I made it to the finish line but the intensity fried me out. In someways it reminded me of a long term Tough Mudder, you keep going and it hurts but when you get to the end you realize how worth while it was.

Day 90 was glorious. Pentecost. Come Holy Spirit and the breakfast of a million calories. We celebrated making the rigorous journey by sharing our last Brotherhood gathering together over food and drink. There was a sense of relief. I never did get use to the cold showers through the long Buffalo winter.

Looking ahead from that point, we all knew that we didn’t want to go back to the way things were before we started. While somethings would come back into daily rhythm we each had pieces we didn’t want back. I was slow to get back into electronics. I never would have guessed how much I used them as a crutch that killed my time and relationships. I completed writing a book and read more during the extra time. Not to mention connecting more creatively with Ani and Izzy. Working out, fasting, and watching my diet every day has greatly improved my physique.

Never had a better Lent too. I have never sacrificed like that before and the spiritual growth that came from it was excellent. Being in sync with the fasting Church made things easier. You felt the purpose behind it. Part of hitting the wall came from the transition from Lent to Easter then Ordinary Time. It became more difficult to explain and maintain focus after everyone else finished walking their Lenten fast. During Lent there was an excitement and general understanding from others. After? “You’re still doing that? Isn’t Lent over?” From Easter, 40 more days, “keep going”.

The Brotherhood consisted of some real warriors. A group of guys who fought through Exodus daily; praying with and for each other, sharing struggles, open to accountability, and our weekly Sunday gatherings consisting of exercise and conversation were a big highlight.

I would say the greatest piece I can walk away with from this experience, is the great appreciation of the Book of Exodus and how much of the Mass is reflected upon it. The daily reflections in our journey tying it all together helped me to see the greater picture between the Old Testament and the New; everything from Manna and the Eucharist, the priesthood, and how we build our churches. I highly recommend going through the Book of Exodus, even the tedious last leg of the book, and see it for yourself.

In the end, life has gone on but I can say that I have changed through the experience. Learning to say no to the things that seek our attention away from God and yes to Him Who is calling, is a powerful tool in your spiritual journey. With building a daily discipline of doing just that, you indeed become a strengthened instrument for the Lord.